I can't keep the act anymore. I am not Ok. I am not fine. It is not Ok, because I am not. I can't keep the act anymore. Pretending has worn me out, and all masks , I have worn, has faded and fell off showing my true face; of not being Ok.
I am suspended between heaven and earth. I am nowhere to be reached, no where to be found.
Why do I go on, I just don't know?
Why do I wake up in the morning? I have no idea.
So many a morning lately, I would open my eyes and just stare at at the ceiling. I'd go through my mind, looking in every dark, forgotten corner of my mind for a reason to go on and found none. I wake up every morning and go to work. I eat, drink, sleep. I talk and answer. I chat and smile. But I feel nothing. I feel void.
I do all that with inertia.
But from the physics lesson about inertia, I still remember that inertia is not a driving force. It has a limit, an end. One day, I will not move from bed anymore. One day, I will not utter another word.
I am living, going on, proceeding but I am not OK. I am keeping the pretense but not for long. I don't feel anything. Nothing really touches me.
I know that some hurts of my mine are still bleeding. I know I have hurt myself even before anyone else attempted to do me the favor. I know a lot about it all and I am conscious of all that. It's not part of my unconsciousness. No. I am conscious and I perceive and comprehend all.
This is utter HELL.
I wish I was neurotic, or any kind of psycho that has no idea this was all going on in his mind. But I am not. I am aware of all that is going on and I have a hyper analytical brain that will bring me to my end soon.
I am on the verge of breaking down. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
This is how jWoman feels today.
I am suspended between heaven and earth. I am nowhere to be reached, no where to be found.
Why do I go on, I just don't know?
Why do I wake up in the morning? I have no idea.
So many a morning lately, I would open my eyes and just stare at at the ceiling. I'd go through my mind, looking in every dark, forgotten corner of my mind for a reason to go on and found none. I wake up every morning and go to work. I eat, drink, sleep. I talk and answer. I chat and smile. But I feel nothing. I feel void.
I do all that with inertia.
But from the physics lesson about inertia, I still remember that inertia is not a driving force. It has a limit, an end. One day, I will not move from bed anymore. One day, I will not utter another word.
I am living, going on, proceeding but I am not OK. I am keeping the pretense but not for long. I don't feel anything. Nothing really touches me.
I know that some hurts of my mine are still bleeding. I know I have hurt myself even before anyone else attempted to do me the favor. I know a lot about it all and I am conscious of all that. It's not part of my unconsciousness. No. I am conscious and I perceive and comprehend all.
This is utter HELL.
I wish I was neurotic, or any kind of psycho that has no idea this was all going on in his mind. But I am not. I am aware of all that is going on and I have a hyper analytical brain that will bring me to my end soon.
I am on the verge of breaking down. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
This is how jWoman feels today.
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