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I want to cry and scream till I have no voice and run out of tears. Can I really run out of tears? Can I lose my voice? And what next will the pent up emotions vanish? Will the pain go away?

I want to bang my head against a wall, maybe the pain of my fractured skull will hide the pain in my heart.

Can I one day do it?
Will I one day take it away?
It will end the pain in my chest, it will end the meaningless chain of days.

I will one day, gather my courage, and accelerate my life to its closure.

jWoman is meaningless, purposeless, worthless.

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After a few days, I am re-reading my own words and it scares me. I am afraid of myself, how deep I can go? Nighttime is the worst.

I have my pain, but I still have a life to live. The fight is not over, but I am still alive with all my potentials, my weaknesses and my strengths, my pure beauty.

I have to keep away from nighttime fits, I have to use my loneliness, my boredom, my nights more fruitfully.

I am struggling to keep my faith in humanity, in myself, in GOD. I do that with a smile, and a deep breathe.

jWoman is back