Reflections on life

You wake up every morning, prepare breakfast, get dressed, have breakfast, go to work, .......... till it's time to go back to bed.

Do you ask yourself at some point, "What will happen if I stopped and just did nothing?".

I am sure many of us asked this question and even some us had taken it, one step further and executed the idea. I know of people who decided to stop living, when faced with sever disappointment or when losing the meaning of going on. In most cases, it is a symptom of depression and needs psychological treatment.

When I think of it, I sometimes envy them their ability to stay still. I know this is absolute stupidity. However, when life becomes a burden, stupidity is a welcomed solution. But, can a conscious strong, knowing person just decide to stop living and stay still. What should we do when we face this feeling? How can we stay strong when facing the urge to just stop living and live death?

I read books and watch documentaries or movies showing strong people struggling and fighting the misgivings handed to them by life, and winning their selves and creating a new life. These stuff gives you a nice vibe, makes you jump out of your seat and shout at the top of your voice, "If they can, I can". However, they never prepare you for the struggle of getting out of bed each morning. They never prepare you for the struggle of finding your own meaning. A 10 or 20 minutes movie can never really provide you with the strength needed for the years ahead.

That gush of positivity is not enough!!

Then what?

Some days as I walk to work, I suddenly lose all meaning, and I stand there. I couldn't go on, nor could I go back home. The only things, I can do is stand there and move, only my gaze around. I search for outside help but no external help will ever get me out of that. Trying to remember my responsibilities or the people relying on me, won't help. On the contrary, if it helped once, it won't work after a few times and soon I will carry a grudge against those responsibilities or people. This will ruin me more.

At that moment, I am alone in the universe. I am isolated. And facing this fact, I know that I have to search inside me for the strength to move. I need to move even if just to go back home, but I need to move.

And this is when all these books and movies come to use, I remind myself, "I am not alone". There are others there, struggling too and there's a way out. The way out is me, myself. I am doing it for me. I am going on for me, not due to responsibilities, not for anyone else. No, I am doing it for me, because I deserve that.

I deserve to be happy, I love myself.

I keep repeating this in my head till a regain control over my body and can go on, move forward and continue my day.

Sometimes, facing the things we fear most, is so much easier then living with the fear. We may fear the change, the aloneness, the lack of security or the judgement of other people, family or friends. But in the end, it's our lives that is being wasted in fear.

Staying in a wrecked, consuming marriage just because we can't face the fact that we made a wrong choice, or afraid of living alone or maybe afraid of being a single mum, or afraid of financial insecurity, eventually kills the life out of us. We live with the fear of losing, miserably whereas we could have lived happily and accomplished so much more if we just took one step and faced our fears.

This applies to every other thing in life that makes life un-live-able.

To me, fear is my worst enemy. And I have lived with  it for long and wasted precious years. I have made a pledge to myself that I will never let it waste any other minute of my life. I will face my fears and drive the monster away.

I hope that I can help others get rid of their fears. Helping one another, helps us to grow and be happy. Giving to others is the best gift we can give ourselves.

This is what jWoman has to say today.