My Movies: Frequencies

Frequencies, a most capturing movie you can watch. It asks all the unanswered questions  about humans and the universe.

Do we have free will, do we have imagination? Does the universe really serve our wills or are we complex but predictable machines that work with a certain repeated code and can be manipulated.

Indeed, I think, we are all that combined together with different extents.

It makes your mind goes in whirls trying to make out what you yourselves believe in and questioning it all.

But in the end the question is, "Does it matter? Does it make a difference?" That's what Zak and Marie concluded in the end.

Edit LATER:
After some thought, I feel that the movie was more about the effect and power of love. A friend was telling me that it was the power of the spoken word. But to me, I felt it was the power of love and human empathy, human communication that makes all the difference. It's the passion that drives us to make something comes true.

That's why when in the last scene between the Zak and Marie, they were confronted with the fact that maybe they didn't choose to fall in love and their only answer was 'We don't care' because love was the end that made them happy whatever the means that got them there.

This is what jWoman has to say

My Readings: She came to stay

Simone de Beauvoir always captures me with her characters and how she draws deep images of them and their actions. The relationship between her and Jean-Paul Sartre is of a unique kind that is worth exploring and understanding. Whether you agree or not with the idea of an open marriage, you will always find the depth and closeness of their relationship fascinating.

They were real partners and very good friends before anything else. Their analytical and curious nature drove them to try the extremes, like the trio relationship that Beauvoir describes in this book, and it leaves you quizzical and wondering about the  essence of relationship.

I do believe in exclusiveness in relationships and to me it is a condition for survival but I find her narration of their relationship with Xaviere and all the stages that they went through with this restless, envious, self-centered being astounding and worth exploring.

Xaviere is a repulsive yet captivating character, you can't predict her next step and find yourself all through the book, angry with her and wanting to argue or fight or even slap her on the face. I was even angry with Pierre and Francoise (Francoise especially) for tolerating her and keeping her in their life. But when I contemplated the situation more deeply, I found that it do happen sometimes, maybe so many times in our lives, that we meet someone that don't look at all similar to what we are used to, and maybe that attracts us to them. We make the mistake of curiosity, of wanting to know more. We forget, always, that "CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT". And once we let them in and closer, one thing leads to another and the operation of extracting them out of our lives becomes so difficult and sometimes seems even impossible.

The chapters describing their trio was painful to me. The words and pages were full of mixtures of feeling that people can live and die without experiencing. It's an richening but painful experience to go through. The pain Francoise went through to make peace with the trio, to accept the sharing and yet be continously pushed to the peripheral edge of the relation. She was constantly treated as a shadow and pushed aside away from the centre by Xaviere. I was exasperated by Francoise attitude but I constantly felt a unity with her and an understanding to her almost unacceptable actions and reactions.

"I've won ", Francoise ended chapter eight by saying that.

"I've won", thought Francoise trimphantly. 

Once again she existed alone, with no obstacle at the heart of her own destiny. Confined within her illusory and empty world, Xaviere was now but a futile, living pulsation.

The book keeps you in whirlwind, whether to pity the restless soul Xaviere  or the independent strong woman Francoise or blame whose selfishness or evil nature. In the end, it's the complexity of human nature that is not white or black but all shades of colors that changes with time and circumstances. However, the last chapter of the book surprised me beyond limits, I wasn't anticipating this end and I am still wondering whether I like it or not.

I am still dumbfound with how it ends. But maybe it was what she really wished to do in real life but never got the courage to do so she took her revenge in the book. How painful must this relation have been, to make her feel like killing the woman and ending her misery once and for all.

The book is a journey worth embarking on.


This is what jWoman has to say today.

Hitting Bottom

Freefalling through all life events.
Some events push you even deeper, others are like a gush of fresh breeze that blow you up towards the surface, but you never see sunlight, just a glimpse of what might be. Then, you bounce back and dive even deeper.

There comes a time when you get impatient to hit bottom and get over with this waiting. Transitional period kills you more ruthlessly then actual death. You think "The bottom of this pit must be near now. It can't go any deeper."

Maybe, when we hit bottom we can bounce back and get out of this pit, the hopeful you looks for a way out. The restless you looks for a relief, maybe when we hit bottom, we will go into an eternal repose, tranquility.

In the journey to the bottom, the most important thing is to keep your sarcastic spirit and keep smiling at yourself in every reflection you face :).



This is what jWoman has to say today.

Reflections on life

You wake up every morning, prepare breakfast, get dressed, have breakfast, go to work, .......... till it's time to go back to bed.

Do you ask yourself at some point, "What will happen if I stopped and just did nothing?".

I am sure many of us asked this question and even some us had taken it, one step further and executed the idea. I know of people who decided to stop living, when faced with sever disappointment or when losing the meaning of going on. In most cases, it is a symptom of depression and needs psychological treatment.

When I think of it, I sometimes envy them their ability to stay still. I know this is absolute stupidity. However, when life becomes a burden, stupidity is a welcomed solution. But, can a conscious strong, knowing person just decide to stop living and stay still. What should we do when we face this feeling? How can we stay strong when facing the urge to just stop living and live death?

I read books and watch documentaries or movies showing strong people struggling and fighting the misgivings handed to them by life, and winning their selves and creating a new life. These stuff gives you a nice vibe, makes you jump out of your seat and shout at the top of your voice, "If they can, I can". However, they never prepare you for the struggle of getting out of bed each morning. They never prepare you for the struggle of finding your own meaning. A 10 or 20 minutes movie can never really provide you with the strength needed for the years ahead.

That gush of positivity is not enough!!

Then what?

Some days as I walk to work, I suddenly lose all meaning, and I stand there. I couldn't go on, nor could I go back home. The only things, I can do is stand there and move, only my gaze around. I search for outside help but no external help will ever get me out of that. Trying to remember my responsibilities or the people relying on me, won't help. On the contrary, if it helped once, it won't work after a few times and soon I will carry a grudge against those responsibilities or people. This will ruin me more.

At that moment, I am alone in the universe. I am isolated. And facing this fact, I know that I have to search inside me for the strength to move. I need to move even if just to go back home, but I need to move.

And this is when all these books and movies come to use, I remind myself, "I am not alone". There are others there, struggling too and there's a way out. The way out is me, myself. I am doing it for me. I am going on for me, not due to responsibilities, not for anyone else. No, I am doing it for me, because I deserve that.

I deserve to be happy, I love myself.

I keep repeating this in my head till a regain control over my body and can go on, move forward and continue my day.

Sometimes, facing the things we fear most, is so much easier then living with the fear. We may fear the change, the aloneness, the lack of security or the judgement of other people, family or friends. But in the end, it's our lives that is being wasted in fear.

Staying in a wrecked, consuming marriage just because we can't face the fact that we made a wrong choice, or afraid of living alone or maybe afraid of being a single mum, or afraid of financial insecurity, eventually kills the life out of us. We live with the fear of losing, miserably whereas we could have lived happily and accomplished so much more if we just took one step and faced our fears.

This applies to every other thing in life that makes life un-live-able.

To me, fear is my worst enemy. And I have lived with  it for long and wasted precious years. I have made a pledge to myself that I will never let it waste any other minute of my life. I will face my fears and drive the monster away.

I hope that I can help others get rid of their fears. Helping one another, helps us to grow and be happy. Giving to others is the best gift we can give ourselves.

This is what jWoman has to say today.

I am 36

It's my birthday, today. I am 36. Not thrilling really. So now, I m officially in my late thirties. And since I waked up this morning I was trying to thing about what to say to myself today. What's the message I need to send to me, what truth do I need to acknowledge as I step into my 36th year.

I am not really sure. But I'll give it a try with what comes first to my mind.

I think, I'll start with something nice and motivating. I have to pat my back and clap my hands, cheering, 'BRAVO to me.' I have learned how to extend my limits and go beyond my comfort zone. Last year, I have learned to start afresh in a new land and do everything on my own completely. My last couple of years, before that, prepared me for this but reality was even harder but I pushed through. CONGRATS. 👍👍👍👍

I got over the experience of a being broken and learnt the courage to end consuming, hurtful issues, and start over from scratch. Cheers for me !!!!!
✌✌✌

I am working in a field, I knew nothing about a year ago and I am doing OK. So now, I am a researcher in Biomechanics Engineering, HURRAY!!!! 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆

Now, to the hard stuff, I am still scared of being alone and feeling incomplete on my own. This I need to work on through this year. I am always fighting life not accepting the unchangeable. I still need to work on differentiating between what I can change by more effort and what I need to give in to as the unchangeable. It's my mindset that needs altering to accept what life and people gives the way it is.

I have always thought of myself as an adaptable person but I think I still need to be happy with me and the people I have around me. Disappointment is my worst enemy, I expect a lot, I expect the unexpected and when it doesn't happen I fall a victim to severe disappointment.

To me this is my missions for my 36th year, I will stop expecting and accept the unchangeable.

And
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to ME

This is what jWoman has to say on her 36th birthday

Closure

She..............

"I need closure. My story with you makes my life unstable. I can't regain my balance as long as I have no closure. I am living in in-between. I am in-between life and death, suspended like a ghost. I'm a ghost with no future haunted by the past and don't see the present."

She breathed a deep breath. It was way beyond midnight and silence envelopped her, the only sound was her typing on her laptop that was halted with the last typed letter.

She reread the email multiple times, and the question of whether to send it or not played in her head.
Why do some people have to be so stubborn and so selfish, she thought. As human beings, we have a tendency to be locked inside ourselves. And from her experience, men tend to be locked in their own self-centered core more than women. By nature, most woman are more aware of other people.

How can she get out of this in-between state in which he cornered her. But, she know deep inside, that she can get herself out. However, the price this time will be so high.

She got up from her desk and walked to the balcony door. Slowly, she opened it. As she stepped outside, the cold night wind made her shiver. But the need to breath was more than the shivers. She tried to breath deeply to calm her nerves and get her heart to stop racing.

A lot of questions were left unanswered. And she was left alone to resolve the conflict and get out of the deadlock. He could save her, a lot, just by saying a word. The arrogant side of him will never let him do that.

She looked to the sky and prayed silently for strength.

After a long moment, she knew what she will do. Getting back inside, she closed the blinds and went back to her desk. The laptop laid there glaring at her; and she just shut it down. Slowly, she breathed deeply again and closed the lights.

"May you grant my heart peace, O'Lord".


He..............

It was 3 am in the morning and he was laying on the sofa, looking blindly at the ceiling. Sleep had been an impossible un-achievable goal for the last few month. How can he sleep, when he knows the pain he is causing the only one whom he truly loves. He knows what to do to make her feel better, to save her from all her pain.

But......But, he cannot do it.

Things are way more complicated and he cannot even justify his actions to her. Silence is his only answer to all her emails and calls. He has to watch her pain from far away in hurtful killing silence.

He knows that all she needs is a closure. She needs to know whether there is still hope or whether it has ended. She needs that to go on. But does he really want her to move on and walk away.

He thought about sending her an email telling her that it was over. This will hurt her but she will get over and proceed in her life. But he couldn't do that.

"I am too selfish to do that". He said out loud. He cannot cut the last thread that still tied them together.

He closed his eyes and prayed silently for patience and strength. He prayed that she be granted the patience to wait longer for him. He prayed she don't give up on them yet.

He sent her a love message through his heart, wishing it will reach her and give her peace.


This is what jWoman has to say today.

It's a new day

It's a new day
Shiny and bright
The rain of last night, is now just shiny little diamonds on the leaves.
Make it a good day.
Be strong. Be good.
It's all within you, it;s all there.
Don't look outside, it all lies inside you,
                                    inside your heart, inside your head.

Get it out.............
      Focus,
      Focus on your inner heart, hear your deep breathing and focus on NOW.
      Focus and smile to your heart.

Love yourself and give yourself a pat on the back, every morning.
You are here now, you've come a long way.

You deserve that, so wake up and shine.

It's a new day.



This is what jWoman has to say today.