A letter to an unfriend

The saying goes
                     "A friend, in need, is a friend indeed."

But you my friend failed to be a friend, since you left me when I needed you. I was weak. I was lonely. I needed a friend to lean on. I needed a friend to talk to, a friend who will listen without judging, without using my words against me, without blaming.

I don't need to walk the path of life, the same way you do. I don't have to use your methodology and logic. I have a mind of my own, you once praised. But suddenly when it didn't confirm to your thinking, you just escaped. You hide from me.

But you have once accepted me as friend. You have once accepted our differences as assets to our friendship.

Now, I am disappointed. I am sad, heart-broken. I thought you'll stand by me when I needed you. I thought you'll support my decisions just because they were mine. I thought you'll support them, just because I wanted them so much.

Today, I am starting over. I am starting a new page of my life. I once hoped, you'll be there to tell you all my new stories. I hoped I will share with you my life-story as I once did. But the truth is you are no more part of my life. You've gone with the old page. I am really sorry you had to leave with it. But it was your choice, so I have no regrets but I am sad.

I still wonder, how you are doing. I still care for you, care about the little issues, you once told me about and I don't know how you solved them. I still care about my friend. I care about the little and big details. I still think of you from time to time but with pain in my heart. I am sad you left without any goodbyes. I am sad you had to leave.

And now I am writing to you to tell you, you're no more my friend, you are an unfriend.

Good luck my friend.


This is what jwoman feels today

An inside battle for survival

She paced the room up and down continuously for minutes that seemed like days to her. Her breathing was hearable but yet couldn't drown the sounds in her head.

She went into the kitchen, standing in front of  the opened refrigerator door she noisily crunched at a cucumber. She set on the water boiler, brewed some relaxing herbs. All this noise and activities didn't stop the loops of thoughts running infinitely in her head.

Thinking of the past is of no use. It carries nothing but regret. The future is unknown and worry is all you get of contemplating it constantly. But how can she live her present with this aching pain in her heart. She feels void, deprived of life.

She stood before the bookshelves. Her eyes scanning the books, looking for a title that would grasp her attention. Opening a novel she have read before, her eyes run after the letters and words but no sense was made of them. Choosing another book, a book of poems this time, she read a poem out loud. But it was a sad poem about heart-ache.

She couldn't go on reading.

A strong woman she knew she is, but now she is trying out her real strength, the strength to stand up again and keep going. She's learnt the hard way, the worth of her independence. She learnt her strength and weakness. She befriended her loneliness. She can't let this change. The unsettling feelings has to settle. The unrestfulness has to know a rest, a home, a shore. She knew she can do it. She just needs patience. She needs to eliminate all distractions and focus on building her present. The past is behind and the future is yet to come but the present is here.

A smile can hide a tear, a deep breath can help you collect yourself and push it out of the pit. No one can help you. It lies deep inside, waiting to be explored, the untrodden territories of yourself, of your mind and soul. Connect and communicate with your innerself and grab your strength from there.

Yes, she can, She tried hard to stop the whirlwind of thoughts. Regulating her breath and standing up with a raised head and opened arms as if to embrace her innerself. She wanted it so much. She wanted peace.

It will come to her, she knows.

Peace will engulf her.

She accepted her present, accepted her limits and strengths.

Now she can sleep, so she closed the lights and headed back to bed. Whether she will sleep or not, she had to try it to know.


This is jwoman's thoughts for the day