Wednesday, July 27, 2016

My Readings: D. H. Lawrence controversial novel in its different versions

Years ago, I read Lady Chatterlwy's lover. I was much younger and a different person, entirely. That book was the third and final edition of the most controversial book ever written by Lawrence. The book was banned from England. Now I am starting to read the second edition of this book, John Thomas and Lady Jane. This book has three versions that give a unique opportunity to study the creative process of the writer and the development of his book idea.

In chapter one, Constance got back to Wragby with her crippled husband Clifford. As years passed by in their isolated home, with their lives falling apart, she became stiff inside and the monotony of life was driving her insane. 
"She would live virgin by disuse. To this also she set her mind and her will. And she almost exulted in it. Almost in cruelty against herself, with smooth rigour she repressed herself and exulted in her barrenness."

Chapter two, her father comes to visit and he tried to get her to go with him on a vacation away from her depressing house. "Your feelings are going paralyses - not only your legs! Instead of living the life of a young healthy woman, you're going paralysed."
Before he left, he talked to Clifford, who he hates. He reminded Clifford of the fact he seems to forget or pretends to forget that Constance was a woman, a healthy woman who he can't satisfy. She a woman with conjugal desires.

Chapter three, Clifford and Constance had a conversation that dissolved their marriage. Clifford didn't realise the effect of his words. Everything to him was so abstract but to her it was the permission to be free. In her mind, her marriage and her commitment to Clifford was making her die slowly but she could not decide to break it. She was under his spell, under his will. His words broke it, opened a door that she never thought about.

Chapter four, Connie meets Parkin again. She meets his mean little daughter and take her for a walk to her grandmother. She hates him, as he seems disrespectful to her. She goes back to his house another time and saw him naked to the waist as he was washing himself. He doesn't see her. This incident vibrated through her senses, waking up her dormant bodily desires. She remembers the beauty of a living body. Late at night, she explores her own body in the mirror. Trying to look for beauty.


Chapter five, the christmas party at Wragby is here. Men has sophisticated looking conversation about life and death and resurrection. To me this is just meaningless non-sense. Men always try to be important and superior by talking of the abstract that they know nothing about. Lady Eva had a late talk with Connie in her room. She encouraged her to get a lover, from the lower class. She was hinting that men of their class had no real depth of feelings. Their men never entered into a woman's inner life, never really gave her anything that stayed.

Chapter six, Connie's health was deteriorating. Her sister, Hilda, come to her help. They get Mrs. Bolton to  nurse Clifford and give Connie some relief of her daily duties. Clifford resents that, hates Connie for giving him up to a stranger. They still have their daily evening reading which Connie resented still. Clifford still say nonsense in an important tone. He needs to feel important and superior.

Chapter seven onwards
I seem not able to describe chapter by chapter but now as my reading gets closer to the end of the book I have been through it all, the whole Connie and Parkin affair. 

The strange start of it, that intimate unbelievable   moment when unthinkable things take place. Parkin taking it as good as it gets. Connie desiring it but still fighting against submission. She wants the man but don't want to see the man or acknowledge him. She thinks a lot about men, Parkin and Clifford. How alive one is while the other is so absurdly dead although he fains an intellectual brilliance but to me his intellect is as solid dead as his insides, as his legs.

Parkin and Connie experience intimacy they both never knew with their spouses. Then Connie leave to France with her sister. 

I sometimes get lost in all the thoughts of Connie about Cliffford and Parkin and other men. The thoughts to me are so not feminine. D. H. Lawrence lost me there. I feel her fight and actions but not her thoughts. He failed me when he added his male intellect thinking this can be female intellect. It makes me real wonder about the differences. I think I like more Simone de Beauvoir's female intellect as she brilliantly showed it in 'the mandarins'. 

Somewhere in the middle of the book I started to hate the book. I felt Connie was more of a man. I had this feeling that D H Lawrence failed in touching the essence of the female in Connie. But by the end of the book, I loved Connie again. 

The eternal female, the fire is there and is feared by those who can't appreciate, feared by coward. She can't be touched except by a real man made of fire like her.

The image drawn throughout the book of living man/woman who were dead inside, intellect that is just robotic with no essence or feeling. Man's blind ego that he can rule forever is really intriguing. 

The sensual deep roots that society and people ignore and sometime taboo is the essence of real men and woman. Only real ones can understand it.

I appreciated the class struggle that was drawn in the book and the fading England people were facing. The higher class had to face the modern society that was growing and soon the two classes will merge and life will change forever.

A nice read

That's what jwoman has to say for today 


Monday, July 4, 2016

A tale as old as time

"Where do I begin to tell the story of how great love can be. The sweet love story that is older than the sea, that sings the truth about the love he brings to me. Where do I start." , Carl Sigman, 1970

"Tale as old as time, true as it can be. Barely even friends then somebody bends unexpectedly. Just a little change, small to say the least. Both a little scared, neither one prepared ............",  Howard Ashman , 1991.

That strange fire between a man and a woman has been the bewilderment and enchantment of men from all races, religions and ethnics since the start of time. The oldest tale in our cultures is about a man and a woman. Love is the origin of our existence.

An old greek myth, says that man was first made with 2 heads, 4 hands and 4 legs and one big heart. But as he angered the ancient greek gods, he was punished by being split into two human beings, a man and a woman. And it was said that from that day on, each man and each woman born will be in search of his or her lost half. The myth says that man/woman will never know peace till he finds that lost half. And it is when they meet, that the man and the woman will let nothing take them apart again.

"How do I know that I have found my soulmate?", a question disturbing many men and women. Whereas indeed it is so much easier. You don't need a handbook or a checklist with items to fulfil to make sure it is your soulmate or missing half.

No, not at all. When it happens, you will just know.

It is not the quickened heart beat, or the blush. It is not the need to stay near, even if in the shadow of their  dog, as the song goes. No, not just that.

It is not the sexual attraction or the need to touch and kiss or even to make love.

Love is just something else.

It is the peaceful trance that you fall in when together.

It's the wordless understanding. Strange as it may sound, but you will instantaneously, without really studying or getting used to it, understand fully the facial expressions. You'll have this feeling of knowing each other for a life time, ever since you could remember and maybe way beyond that.

Time and space are no barrier anymore. It still gives tremendous pain to be apart but you carry the essence of your significant other in your soul all the way.

It is ecstasy not for your body alone, no. Yes, your bodies bonds on their own with no effort from either of you.  Pleasure just happens, because you instinctively know how to please. It is sheer joy to your soul and mind. Love is when your restless soul finally find a home, a place to rest. And your mind find the respect and appreciation that he needs to pretend no more, or exert an effort anymore to impress. You will be accepted with all your flaws and loved for them.

Love is when you find your place finally in this world.

It's a real pity that some people live and die without experiencing it. Some may settle for something less just because they are afraid of the risk.

Anyway, when you find it, NEVER LET IT GO, whatever the price you'll need to pay.


This was written 29th November 2014

Love and Choice : Where lies our limits?

Love and Choice

We fall in love without choosing to.

However, what takes place after that is our choice, our own choice. These choices are what make up our image. That image is what people create for us in their minds. They judge us and categorize us into good or bad people using this image.

Why do we give a damn??! Simple because we don't live as individuals in reality.
No, we live collectively in a society that dictates our code of ethics, and what's good and what's bad. So we care about how people perceive our choices.

It is a painful process to be on good terms with your social image and keep it that way. This process sometimes causes us to lose our passion for life. We waste all our time doing 'what is right to do'. What about what we want to do, what we enjoy doing, what really makes us happy doing, what we love.

So after we fall in love, we face this dilemma. At the moment that we start getting back to life, after being swept off our feet, we start asking ourselves "What will people say about my love, will my friends accept him, will my parents love her, will......, will..........".  A lot of questions, depending on our status in life and the strength of our relationships with people around us and their effect in our life.

It also depends on our need for reassurance and acceptance. Some of us really need that to keep going, to continue doing their everyday business.

Limited by the code dictated by out societies, eastern or western, love fights to find a way to be accepted, just to survive. What if, our version of real love opposes these codes?

Do we give in, and give up our love, the origin of our existence to lead a lifeless existence ?

or

Do we give up our roots and the codes that keep our equilibrium and make us all similar, (where as we are never similar), to pursue happiness?

When is pursuing our own individual happiness, selfish and immoral?
When is loving truly, deeply, madly, an unethical thing?
When is giving up your love, the right thing to do?

I have no answers.
But I hope I can find them one day.
If anyone has an answer, don't hesitate and share it.


This is what jWoman had in her drafts for over year.